Why You Need to Ask for Feedback from Others by Meredith Bell

Summary: In your role as a leader, you have blind spots about how your behavior impacts others. Even though it’s hard to ask for feedback, you’ll learn things you could not discover any other way.

If you’re a manager and you don’t ask for feedback on a regular basis, you’re probably doing some things that cause problems for your team members. That’s because we all have blind spots about our behavior. Leaders are especially vulnerable because their direct reports are often reluctant to speak up about problems their boss might be causing for them.

Occasionally you might figure out on your own that something you're doing has a negative impact on others, but typically, you’re going to need another person to point it out. Feedback from others helps you see what it's really like to be on the receiving end of your words and actions.

Take Jeff, for example.

Jeff owns a hotel in one of the New England states. Two years ago he was distressed about problems with his staff. There was a lot of absenteeism, and morale seemed quite low. He knew he wasn't getting the best from the managers and employees, but he didn't know why. He asked a consultant who uses our feedback software to set up an employee opinion survey. Jeff thought people would give honest input if they knew their responses would be anonymous and confidential. And he was right.

The results surprised him. It was a huge "wake-up" call that dramatically changed the way he viewed his team and ran his business.

One of Jeff's core values is treating people with respect. But the survey showed that people disliked coming to work because of the oppressive, controlling environment he'd created. Jeff was shocked to learn there was a huge gap between the culture he wanted and the one he'd actually created.

Before doing this survey, he had NO idea that people felt this way!

The good news is that Jeff used that information to think about what the staff really wanted from him. He asked the consultant to be his coach and help him make changes in his management style. Six months later, this consultant walked into the hotel and immediately sensed a difference in the attitudes of the people she encountered. Individuals came up to her and said that they loved coming to work now because the atmosphere at the hotel was totally different. Jeff was listening more and commanding less.

When she walked into Jeff's office, he came around from his desk and gave her a hug. He was beaming. He thanked her for the role she and the survey results had played in changing his life. Not only had he modified his behavior at work and improved his relationship with everyone there, his changes also had a profound impact on his relationship with his family.

Since the original survey two years ago, Jeff has continued to make improvements. He conducts surveys on a regular basis now to make sure he's on track with his behavior.

Jeff did four things right in his efforts to eliminate his blind spots and change his behavior.

#1. He had the courage to ask for feedback in the first place. Many of us would prefer not to know or we're afraid of what we might hear so we avoid asking.

#2. He was brutally honest with himself and took responsibility for his own actions. He didn't make excuses or try to justify his behavior.

#3. He made a commitment to change and then followed through. Sometimes we recognize that we need to change, but we never get around to doing anything about it.

#4. He asked for assistance while making the changes. He realized that a coach could reduce his learning curve and provide the support he needed.

You don't have to use a formal survey process to get feedback from the people who are important to you - your team members, co-workers, customers, family and friends. If people sense that you genuinely want to know so you can make changes to your behavior, you will get insights that can help you strengthen all of your relationships.

Leaders who ask for feedback from at least three people for this one question can get information that transforms their interactions with others: "What one thing could I do better that would make the biggest difference in our relationship?"

Four Easy Steps to Getting More Customers by Kevin Stirtz

The good news and bad news about marketing is that price and results are not necessarily connected. You can pay the same price for poor results as you would for great results.

The difference is based on what you put into your marketing before you implement.

By planning your marketing well, you can put more quality into it and therefore, get better results out of it.

Here is an easy and effective method to plan your marketing so you can see better results from your marketing without spending more money.

A. Understand your strengths

Ask yourself these questions:

• Why do people buy from you?
• What do you really do for your customers?
• How are you better than your competition?
• What special skills or advantages do you have?

The answers to these questions are your competitive advantages. They are what make you stand out from your competition. They may be related to price, location, professional skills, attitude, responsiveness or your own personality.

People buy from you because you do something for them no one else does. Understand this and you've taken the first step to better marketing.

B. Identify your customers (your target market)

To promote your business you should focus on people who value what you do. Your strengths (or competitive advantages) will help you focus on who will most value your service or product.

For example, if your location is a strength then your customers will reflect your location. If high quality is a strength then your customers should appreciate quality.

To get an idea of who your target market is, look at your current customers. Or, look at your profit margins to decide which type of customers to focus on. You might have several target markets because you have several products or services and a variety of strengths.

Bottom line: focus on people who will place a high value on what you can do for them. These people will be your most loyal and profitable customers.

C. Create a meaningful message

The key in successful marketing is to deliver the right message to the right people as often as your budget will allow. So, you need a message that tells your target market why they should do business with you.

Your message should reflect your strengths because those are what you do best. And, your message should be in terms that your target market is interested in.

In other words speak in their language and say what they want to hear.

Example:

You're a Realtor and your strength is that you sell houses fast and your target market is people who want their houses sold fast, then your message might be:

"I sell houses fast!"

And you can give them some details to demonstrate how you sell houses faster than anyone else in town (such as statistics and testimonials).

Another example:

If you are a chiropractor and your strength is that you help get rid of back pain and you help your patients prevent it from coming back, then your target market might be people with chronic back pain who want it to stop, forever.

Your message might be:

"We get rid of back pain now and we prevent it from coming back later."

Your message comes directly from your strengths and your target market. The three work together naturally and simply.

You can have more than one message. Each marketing focus (based on a product or service, a target market and a strength) should have its own message.

To start, just work on one message. Then as you develop a system that works, add others to your marketing system. Don't overwhelm yourself right away by trying to do too much.

D. Deliver your message as often as your budget allows.

Now you have to find and purchase the appropriate delivery vehicles (or media) for your marketing messages.

There are three things to remember as you plan how to deliver your message:

1. Set a budget for the project.
2. Get the most exposure possible for that budget.
3. Focus your exposure on your target group.

Unless your budget is unlimited, you need to choose delivery vehicles that focus your message.

For example, if you have a retail store and you know 90% of your customers live within two miles of your store, then you might focus your message delivery on people who live within two miles of your store. This gives you the ability to repeat your message to them multiple times, putting the power of repetition to work for you.

There are many ways to deliver your message: advertising, direct mail, networking, phone calls or personal visits. Some less direct ways might be to teach classes or offer seminars on topics that relate to your product or service. Other ways might be to sponsor events or offer informational sessions about what you do. Or, you might partner with a nonprofit.

Whatever you do, try to achieve a balanced mix of media when delivering your message. This increases awareness of your business and multiplies the impact of your message.

Stop Criticizing Others by Meredith Bell

Summary: You may think you’re being helpful when you point out someone’s flaws or what the person did wrong. But in most cases, your words have the opposite impact of what you intended.

Steven Pressfield’s brilliant book about overcoming resistance, The War of Art, contains this profound piece of wisdom about criticism:

"Individuals who are realized in their own lives almost never criticize others.
If they speak at all, it is to offer encouragement."

This quote explains why some people find it easy to speak uplifting words to the people in their lives, while others do not.

If you tend to speak critically to your employees, customers, friends or family members, there’s something going on within you that needs to be examined. There is some aspect of your own self that you find unacceptable, but you may not want to look in the mirror. It’s much easier to turn your attention outward and find fault with those around you.

Very likely, your own inner critic is hard at work pointing out your short-comings and emphasizing your mistakes. It’s painful to listen to this kind of chatter. So when that happens, you may be quick to judge the actions of others.

But criticism tears down the other person.

It’s one thing to give others constructive feedback about a specific action. It’s quite another to continually point out perceived flaws. Often, the criticism centers around them doing something differently from the way you would have done it. You feel the need to explain what’s wrong with their approach and rationalize that you’re trying to be helpful.

The problem is, expressing disapproval this way rarely works.

I know, because I’ve done this myself more times than I can count. And it turns out badly every time. The other person resents being evaluated and judged, because that’s how it feels no matter what spin you try to put on it. Trust gets threatened because they aren’t sure you’re really in their corner.

Asking questions instead of making overtly disparaging statements does not guarantee you’ve got it right either. For example, starting a question with “Why” is often disguised criticism.

Why are you doing it that way?

Why didn’t you show a little consideration for me?

Why don’t you just quit [smoking, drinking, etc.]?

The unspoken message is, “You’re wrong and I’m right.”

So when you ask “Why” questions, expect a defensive reaction. If you don’t believe me, start monitoring your own reaction when you get asked this kind of question.

When people feel defensive, the walls go up. You’re unlikely to connect at a level of honesty and openness. Over time, if you continue finding fault – or even worse, belittling them in front of others – they will withdraw emotionally and your relationship will be superficial at best.

The Take-away

When you feel comfortable in your own skin, you’re not threatened or offended by the imperfections you see in others. You know how difficult it is to deal with life’s daily challenges because you’ve had to weather them yourself.

If you have a deep conviction that you matter, you will find it easier to activate compassion and patience instead of criticism for the people you work with and care about.

In The New Psycho-Cybernetics, Maxwell Maltz summarizes a key benefit of finding ways to affirming others instead of finding fault with them: “Practice treating other people as if they had value, and surprisingly, your own self-esteem will go up.”